4 Steps To Ending The Affair And Saving Your Marriage
You may be wondering exactly how to fix a marriage after cheating.
You’ve just made a mistake. A grave mistake. One that is most certainly regrettable, and was either a one-off or has been going on for a while. After all, the reasons notwithstanding, you’ve undermined the meaning and values of your marriage and have done something which will hurt your spouse a great deal.
Well, I would like you to know that you’re not a bad person. You’re just someone who has made a bad mistake, and is willing to put things right.
And you’ll be happy to know that most affairs don’t end a marriage. This is not to make you think that you have a God-given right to be forgiven and accepted by your spouse, but to encourage you. As long as you do what you can and work hard at it, there is a very high chance that you can rebuild relationship trust and restore your marriage.
Follow this four step guide to saving your marriage:
Step 1: End the affair… for good!
You must end the affair for good, sever all ties and put it all behind you. However, this is definitely easier said than done. One of the biggest obstacles to infidelity recovery is the emotional baggage which you may have left over from the affair.
Ideally, you as the unfaithful spouse should opt to separate from your lover permanently, return to your spouse and rebuild the marriage. But most affairs end as a result of accidental discovery of the affair, or a resolution or choice contrary to the feelings of the people involved.
This can mean that you as the unfaithful spouse may still have unresolved feelings, not to mention the bitterness that comes the morning after when you find yourself in the real world, having to deal with the consequences of your actions.
So make sure you deal with these emotions and feelings and end the affair first of all.
Step 2: Come clean to your spouse
The next step is to confess to your spouse, if he/she is not yet aware of the extra-marital affair. You should try to come clean, apologise, show remorse and be willing to answer any questions that your partner may have.
You also need to realise that your spouse is going to feel hurt, and it will take time for the wounds to heal. It is important to show remorse and to let him/her know that you are truly sorry, and committed to rebuilding your marriage. This helps with the forgiveness phase.
And be prepared – they are going to have questions, which they will expect answers to. You may not feel comfortable providing these answers but you will need to be attentive and put your injured spouse’s needs first.
Step 3: Be willing and committed to working through the issues with your spouse
You will make great progress in your marriage if you can show your commitment to your spouse to make the marriage work after the affair. You will almost definitely have to do things that may be out of your comfort zone, but you have to make an effort.
You may have to be more transparent – basically, put your spouse’s mind to rest by making him/her aware of where you are at all times, if you will be home late from work, sharing more with him/her than you have before…
It will take time, so don’t try to rush things but be consistent in your efforts to win over your spouse and save your marriage.
Step 4: Get help, if it is necessary
There is no denying that this will be a difficult time in your marriage – for your spouse and for you. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, it helps to get some help and some guidance to help you and your spouse survive infidelity in marriage. Sometimes, it can be the best way to figure out how to fix a marriage after cheating, especially if things start to get overwhelming.
There are a great deal of options out there to help you with how to fix your marriage after cheating, such as therapy and marriage counselling. However, you can get some very good resources at a fraction of the cost.